Oh Lily
by CellarGangGirl
Summary: Severus Snape never wished for Lily to die. How could this have happened? Short, and you might want some tissues... T for death.


AN: I really wanted to write this and I'm glad I did. In every story I've read with Snape in it, he's the bad guy. It's like we forget that he loved Lily. I really wanted to show his reaction, cuz come on, like her death meant nothing to him?

Disclaimer: I could never come up with something this amazing. JK Rowling, all the way.

Severus Snape hadn't left his bedroom in six days. It was bloody barmy for a man of his age, but he simply couldn't pull himself out of bed for more than a shower. In which case, he walked the few steps to the conjoining bathroom, showered, and came immediately back to bed. Were it not for Dumbledore's order that he keep himself handy - he suspected it was a cleverly disguised 'Don't kill yourself.' - he wouldn't have found a reason in living anymore.

He was man enough to admit he'd hoped that Lily would grow tired of Potter's antics as she spent more time around him. Now, that possibility was gone. And he would never see Lily again. He would never see her smile again. It didn't matter now if she was smiling at Potter, he just wanted to see her smile. Blimey, he'd give anything to see her scowl, to hear her yell. He just wanted her back. He cursed Voldemort day in and day out. Though he didn't appreciate Sirius Black, he still wished that Pettigrew could be found, and the man would be saved the torture of a sentence in Azkaban for fictionally killing his best friend.

He wished that nipper of Lily and Potter's hadn't been given to Lily's sister. After all the time he'd spent with Lily, he knew the woman was a right wretch. She was no one to raise a child, let alone a wizard. He didn't care if Harry was his father's clone, Severus would raise him before that woman. And yet, Dumbledore had been the one to make the decision. He'd made the decision to submit the boy to the horrors of being raised by Petunia and her husband, whoever he was.

Severus had sobbed for hours that night, when he'd been told. After a long, sleepless night, he'd attempted to walk through the day. He'd barely made it off his doorstep before he saw a witch walk by in full grieving regalia. He'd turned back and went straight up to his room again, confiding his sorrows in the pillow once more. How could he have done this; how could he have stood for Voldemort? How could he have believed in the murdering beasts preaching about how the wizarding world needed to change? So many people had been hurt, and though Severus felt great sorrow, he would never say he'd been hurt most. The woman he loved had died. The man she'd loved had died. Her child would grow up in a horrible muggle home, parentless and not knowing the wonder of the magic he'd inherited.

Oh Lily. A tear slipped over Severus' cheekbone, and if he hadn't been so enthralled with thoughts of the woman, he'd have wondered how there was enough water left in his body to produce tears. A picture of Lily, her emerald eyes sparkling with happiness and light, flashed in his mind, proceeded by a torrential flow of others. Her face the many times she comforted him after a prank by the gang of Gryffindors. How she would blow her hair out of her face when frustrated. The way her eyes would crinkle and dimples would form in her cheeks when she laughed. The spark in her eyes when she stood up for something she believed in. The fire in her eyes when she was interested in something.

He saw her, the day she'd come into Hogwarts. She'd gaped at the magic around her, in utter awe. The day they'd made friends in Potions class - she'd helped him crush a berry needed for the potion. The day she recieved her score on her first OWL - She'd aced it, scoring higher than anyone in either of their houses. The first day Potter and his band pulled a blatant trick on him, the way she'd stalked up to the boy, defending him. The day she'd made friends with Gwendolyn, a girl in Gryffindor; it was the first female friend she'd made. The day they'd ended their friendship on such a bad note; she'd been so hurt and furious. The day she'd gone out on her first date with Potter - she'd looked so happy sitting across from him in Harold's eatery in Hogsmeade. The day they'd graduated from Hogwarts; they'd shared a sad gaze across the Great Hall before she walked off smiling with Potter, excited for her new life. The clip he'd seen of her in the Prophet with the article on her and Potter's wedding - she'd been glowing in the white dress, even in the grainy photograph. How beautiful the later photograph of a pregnant Mrs. Potter had been when it made third page in the Prophet. He'd been sure his heart had broken that day, as she was glowing again, ecstatic to be carrying Potter's boy.

Now, Severus knew the true meaning of heartbreak. Lily was gone, and no one could avenge her wrongful death because Voldemort was missing the same as Pettigrew was. Severus promised to himself then and there that if he ever came across either, he'd kill them on the spot for the wrong they had done, the life they had taken. For now though, both were missing, and Severus confined himself to his bed.

'Nipper' is slang for small child, and 'barmy' is slang for crazy. You guys are usually pretty good at remembering, but anyways: Please review!


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